Wow. I'm genuinely impressed, it even supports all of the flags that I need! And has all of the fun non-determinism of parallel execution (with -P)! This satisfies about 60% of what I need, and is a great tool to have handy!
The limitation appears to be that the command is run in a sub-shell / separate process (as one might expect), so there's no way to correlate input74 → output74.
I suppose with "zargs -n1" I can redirect the output of each to an individual file (in an e.g. temporary file), and then just read them back and stick everything into an associative array.
A very simple test works exactly correct, but a slight variation gives me "zargs: argument list too long":